Hello reader,

Sometimes, the biggest explorations and learning’s from life come when the Universe directs you towards something, and it delivers the message via a carrier. Now, the carrier can be anyone, an event, an argument, a suggestion, or simply the words from a good friend or just a stranger. When asked if there’s something I can write about for relationships, it felt like a challenge, especially if the writer is himself single. And this is where the blog began… after weeks of thoughts wandering, numerous self-rejections for the notion of writing, and then finally a moment, where the thoughts started to make sense, here we are.

Before proceeding, I want to thank a very amazing person, whom I feel grateful to have met, Akash. Talking to you, sharing stories, and listening to you inspire and motivate me a lot to look forward to life. Thank you! This blog itself would have never been real if it wasn’t the talks with you, which helped to have a different lens towards life, and especially the relationships and bonding.

When we are born into this world, we are the wisest and happiest people on this earth (how ironic that we are crying at that moment, but maybe it makes sense), and then as we grow, instead of growing wiser, we tend to get lost in the materialistic world. When we are a womb inside our creator, our Mother, we are connected to the most beautiful person, who provides us with all the nutrients to grow, and protects us from the whole Universe. The mother’s womb is a complete world for a child, and the safest place in the Universe. However, when we are born, the very first bond that breaks for us is with our Mother, through the umbilical cord. Maybe the child knows it, and that’s why we cry when we are born, and no one understands.

When we are born, we are complete because of the pure love of our Mother. But as we grow and get enrolled in academic institutions, we are lured by materialistic desires and taught to attain as much materialistic growth as possible. The society treats and judges us based on our materialistic attainment. But once you have achieved your biggest materialistic desire or asset, you get to know that it doesn’t make you happy anymore. It doesn’t fulfill your heart, and even after achieving everything you wanted or desired, you feel incomplete. But when you were a child, you felt complete by just the presence of your Mother.

I was reading a book, “Before your memory fades” by Toshikazu Kawaguchi, which had a question, very unique and special.

If you have a lifetime chance, to travel to past, to a time of your choice and meet someone, with a condition that it can not change the present or the course of events that followed, who would you meet?

This is what I asked my father, and he responded with a lovely answer, “Amma (my grandmother)“. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I knew the answer, but hearing it in his voice and the love that it carried felt special. No matter what we achieve or become, we can never feel happy, like the way we feel with our mother around, because of the purest love that exists in her presence.

Knowingly or unknowingly, we all look for our Mother when we start our family. Men look for something from their mother in their life partner or even in their daughters (even the tiniest thing, if they do just like the way their Mother did, it completes them). And the same goes for the women, as they look for the love they got from their Mother, in their mother-in-law. Although no one can love us or be like our Mother, if we tend to find the slightest quality of them in our partner or mother-in-law, it feels good. Yes, there are multiple other factors of how things will turn out, that isn’t something to be talked about here, yet the Motherly bond, the relationship between a Mother and the baby, is the most beautiful relationship.

While there is plenty more to talk about Mother, and before I get labeled as “Mumma’s Boy”, let me come to the next relation, Father. A relationship with Father is contrastingly different and very unique itself. A father, being the same person, expresses love towards the child differently, whether it’s a son or a daughter. While with his daughter, he is trying to find his mother, and is ready to offer every comfort and make sure all her dreams are fulfilled, with his son, he is naturally strict. He knows how it is to be a boy in this world, and how tough his son has to be to face the realities of life; he makes sure that the son is disciplined, hard working, and focused, towards a better future, and to take the family values forward. This is why, for a son or father, to take a step towards each other and express their love, hug each other tightly, is hard. With time, the emotions take a step back, the love grows in the form of respect, and for the sanctity of the relation, both try to be tough, keeping alive the love deep inside. For most son, their father is always the first and forever superhero.

The Father has the same love for both son and the daughter, but the relationship differs, simply knowing how the world would be for his children, and such is the second relationship a person experiences since birth.

After experiencing the beautiful relationships that the Universe gifts to us, we become exposed to the materialistic world. We become part of a so-called society, wherein people become blind followers of others, just because they have a more flashy, materialistic life. At our academic institutions, we are taught to attain more materialistic success than to be happy. We are lured towards the luxuries like bigger houses, expensive cars, bigger portfolios, instead of directing towards a contented life.

And this is what we see as a reflection in the way our lives and our friendships develop. While not all friendships are formed out of worldly influence, some of them are. This is why, after some time, those friendships fail to be perceived. However, the friendly relationships, formed with some common interest, emotion, experience, and thoughts, stay and keep getting stronger. Even strangers tend to become amazing friends, just because they are like-minded and share a bond of thoughts and understanding. Their minds tend to be tuned to the same frequencies, and sometimes, they don’t even need to speak to make the other person understand what they have in mind.

And what if such a friendship turns into something even more beautiful, a lovely bond of romance for a lifetime? While there are several factors on which a relationship with a partner can depend, yet the bond formed naturally, and the feeling of being attracted towards each other beyond each other’s look or financial status, and more towards their outlook for the life, how they treat each other, how they express their emotions and how they respect for each other efforts, the feeling of attraction tends to be stronger. The love naturally starts to grow as emotions in each other’s hearts and keeps growing, which makes us feel complete.

There happens to be an instinct to do something that could make their partner happy, feel loved, and most importantly, feel complete. A couple who understands this doesn’t need the worldly pleasures to feel happy. They both know how they complete each other, just like Raam and Sita, Krishna and Radha, and Shiv and Sati. They will be happy to sacrifice all of their personal success for the love and care of their partner. We all know someone who left their family in a different city to stay and support their partner, who left their job to be present with the partner, and they do everything to make sure that the needs of both are met. In such a relationship, one doesn’t need to have a checklist, but to be present, aware, and most importantly, have love for the partner.

While growing up, our mindset is mostly derived from what situations we have seen and how we or the people around us have reacted to those situations. It also depends on the challenges we or our family have faced over time, and accordingly, our life path grows. We tend to make sure we always have more than one solution in place for those challenges, and yet after achieving everything we aspired for, we feel incomplete, simply because we never considered and prioritized what we need in life to be really happy, pure love. All those friendships or relations formed failed to get prioritized above the dreams and aspirations of materialistic life. And then, when we see everyone finding their love, some of us struggle to even understand what this love means.

I always aspired to attend the concerts of great musicians and artists. I even attended some of them, and then there was this realization that it doesn’t make me as happy as I thought it of. Watching the legends does feel good, no doubt about it, but does it feel complete? What’s the point of watching Ed Sheeran singing Perfect, when you don’t even have a loving partner in life?

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

– Jim Carrey

While building career is important, to make sure the basic needs of the family and loved ones are met, a little above normal, and to have enough saved to help sail through the tough times; investing this beautiful life towards a relationship, that has pure love, that soothes us within and makes us feel complete. Makes us feel so complete that no materialistic item or joy is as precious as the moment spent in that relationship.

Most of the people who are now stable in their careers, single, and looking for a life partner, are finding the process challenging. There happens to be many factors in the news making a person feel insecure about the marriage, but still everyone longs for it. They used to be so busy building their career that now building a bond is a challenge. The negative energy around us makes it even more complex and doubtful about the success. But, sometimes while being ambitious for our goals, we get so lost that we fail to manage our lives, and especially our time. I often get to hear the advice that it’s not about the time, but the priority. Life goals are a priority, and there is absolutely no doubt about it. It took me a good year of time to realize how uncertain life is, and if the world ends tomorrow, will you still be working on that project or the life goal, or wish to spend those last 24 hours with your loved one? This single thought steered my life towards a different life path, and I will always be grateful for it.

And this brings me to probably the strongest relationship we should have. In the race of life, either for worldly desires, success, luxuries, or for keeping our lovely relationships happy, we often forget the bond that we should have with ourselves. We get so busy meeting the work timelines or remembering every important date of the relationship, that we forget who we are, what we like to do, and what makes us feel connected to our own selves. We get so used to with someone or always having people around, that if we are spending even an hour alone, we start to feel anxious. Many of us will still fear going out alone for a coffee, let alone a movie. Many of the people I talk to tell me how they want to travel solo, and yet they never plan one, for various reasons.

Understandably, not every person is religious or spiritual, yet there is never a better way to meet ourselves in meditation. While outside we can look at the mirror to see how we look, but when we start to look at the mirror within, then only do we find what kaleidoscope we have within ourselves, and how it adds a new colour every time we feel an emotion, or simply do what we love.

Although there is no relationship that is perfect, one thing that makes our life complete is love, and only relationships (including with ourselves and God) have the power that bring the love we all long for.

“Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But to do that, we need the other person.”

– Paulo Coelho

– Navneet