Hi,

“If you were to introduce yourself to me, without mentioning your occupation, your ethnicity, your religion, where you from, your nationality, what your hobbies are, and all those superficial markers we use in our day to day lives, how will you describe yourself to me, how will you introduce yourself to me?”

While scrolling through my social media feed, I came across this question. Probably, this is what Reflection is all about. We are born to this beautiful planet, where everything is connected. We see the stars and galaxies in the night sky and find their counterparts in our bodies. We see the fingerprints, thinking they are unique, yet only when we see the cut-through trunk of a tree do we feel a connection. We see our veins, pumped up, and then we look at the root of an old enough tree than us, to find a relativity. Everything in this Universe is connected, and we are born into this.

Yet, we find each of us unique in our own way. We all have a couple of eyes, hands, and legs; we are humans, yet we are different. We find similarities with nature, feel the connection, yet we feel different from other humans. Who are we? Imagine standing in front of a mirror, looking at yourself, and asking, who are you, from your reflection in the mirror. Do you have an answer?

Childhood, the free and most beautiful time of our life, when we didn’t know what money is, what runs this world, and what we gonna do in life, what did we really care about? We went to the market and held onto a toy we liked until the parents bought it. We saw something tempting, and hardly ever gave a thought to take a bite of it, sometimes even if it was for others. In those days, all that mattered was what we wanted at that moment. And then one day, it stopped.

That day, we experienced for the first time that life is not always about what we like. And probably, that day we got to know what we actually want, the attention.

A child's ability to control his position and the attention of others is critical, much more important than control is for the average adult on an average day.

The Art of Possibility

Slowly, with life, we tend to see that we don’t always get the attention as much as we did in childhood. It’s not like whether we should get that much attention always or not, but gradually, that duration tends to drop as the child grows. And as it starts to fall, the child starts to do things to get his niche, initially in the family at home, and then in society. Ever notice that a child is doing a weird thing, and then only you give them your attention, while withdrawing from the moment, and the child, if they sit idly and normally? That’s a child learning to know about self.

Anxiety regulates behavior and alerts the child to the dangers of being one-down, unattended to, or at a loss.

The Art of Possibility

Once the child gets to know, he has to work and make his way to get the attention, they also get to know that it’s not only they who are working to get the attention, everyone is! Isn’t it what you try to prove even at this age at work, to get the attention from your boss, or management, or stakeholders? Yes, the competition started a long time back, but we just didn’t know about it.

However, the real business starts when the child loses. After so many repeated efforts, they don’t get the attention. The old weird acts don’t work anymore, while someone else is getting the attention. And there comes the fear of being left behind, unattended, or ignored. With every battle lost, the anxiety grows, and the child starts to feel more and more alone. Some children are now in their 20’s, 30’s, or 40’s, and still battling for that attention.

No matter how confident or well positioned this adult self appears, underneath the surface, it is weak and sees itself as marginal, at risk for losing everything.

The Art of Possibility

Lack of attention, or ignorance, is not the only fear, but can be a prima facie case, unless there has been any major incident or tragedy early in life. However, just as life is the sum of big learnings and small wins, with fear, there comes confidence as well, with all the tiny wins. While we work our way to feel noticed, either by others or by ourselves, there are various supporting actors in our life.

One dear friend taught me this, how important the small conversations with the people who do not really matter a lot in our life goals, but going out of the way, asking them how their day is, how their new year was, how is everyone in their family, might look small, but can certainly make the day for that person. They feel noticed and cared for, even if it was for that moment, but as it’s said, life is all about these small wins. And some day, when you might not be having your best day, they appear and greet you in a way that you feel noticed. It can be possibly that they greet you with “Good Morning”, or keep your parking spot reserved for you. A very recent anecdote to share,

When my car’s rear door handle was accidentally pulled out, I reached out to my service engineer and drove to see him. While we were exchanging New Year greetings and chatting about how things had been, he got the handle fixed in no time, without the need to raise a service request and at no cost.

These simple acts of kindness may not help you achieve your dream goals, yet they bring you happiness and fulfillment. And, what good is in achieving a goal if they don’t make you feel fulfilled? Sometimes, even after achieving a goal we set for ourselves, we feel more anxious instead of feeling happy and fulfilled.

There is some restlessness within us; even the great athletes have reported this problem, so you shouldn’t feel cornered here, and one of the causes for it, as per the study performed by different societies and groups, was the goal itself. It was meant for the individual themselves.

When a goal is meant to serve others, and its fulfillment brings joy and respect into their lives, accomplishing it ultimately brings deeper joy and fulfillment to ourselves.

Yes, we crave attention, yet when we accomplish something that brings happiness to others, our insecurities step back and lose their hold on us.

And now it’s time for the Journal question of the blog,

When was the last time when you were feeling low, and you still chose to be kind? What did you do, and did it bring you joy or regret?

With that question, I leave you my warm regards, while I return with the next one..

Take Care!
– Navneet