Hi reader,
Hope you are keeping well with the summer, being hydrated and avoiding the outdoors as much as feasible. Previously on Vartamanah, we talked about expressing the emotions. Stop thinking and worrying over every little thing, and just express the gratitude as well as discomfort.
Today, we will talk about something which we all have experienced in our life, and to begin with, I wish to share these beautiful lines:
Kabhi kisiko mukammal jahan nahin milta, kabhi zameen toh kabhi asmaan nahin milta.
(No one ever gets a complete world, sometimes the Earth is missing and sometimes it’s the sky.)
We will be missing out on things, but the sooner we accept it, we can live with it. Yes, I understand, it doesn’t feel good to miss out on life, and no one wants to listen to the advice of compromise. However, there are always different ways of looking at things. And for this, how I see it is, once we start accepting that there will be certain things in life we will miss out on, we will begin to appreciate and accept the value of the things, people, and experiences we already have. Yet, if we keep running after what we don’t have, we tend to ignore and forget the amazing things we have in life.
I recently found this interview and found this little tale so beautiful that I couldn’t hold back from sharing it.
Since childhood, we get into a habit of chasing something. From a bug to a butterfly, from grades to college admissions, from jobs to packages, we are always chasing something every time. While some of these chases end up in success, a lot of them tend to give up. Give up, not as they required too much effort, which they did, yet gave up as they were out of our control, or depended on something or someone.
On reaching the 30s, what I realize more with each passing day is, that our current goals, desires, or objectives are often interdependent. If someone is looking to settle in life, as in to get married and start a family, the first thing the world tells them is he needs a house. Now when he wants to buy a house, he needs to have a certain credit score to get the mortgage. To meet that credit score, he should have an income that could make the bank happy. To earn that much of the income, he needs a job, and for the job, he needs skills. To get the skills, he needs to put effort beyond his working hours, and since time is constant for everyone, he has to sacrifice his leisure time or the time he used to spend with his loved ones. Now when all of this is interlocked, the partner he was looking to settle, complains that he doesn’t give them time. If you never knew the term Deadlock, this is just a small example!
What I shared is a very small and common example, and I am sure many of you will agree with me while writing this, as you also have seen many of these deadlocks in life. What do these deadlocks bring? Frustration, stress, anger, anxiety, just to name a few! We start to feel like trapped inside the boundaries. The instinct of any living being when they are caged or restricted in a close boundary, is to break free. It is very likely for a person in Deadlock, that he wants to break the boundaries and go beyond all the limitations. This instinct has made many people break their friendships, relations, marriages, and even business engagements.
Another feeling that a deadlock brings to one, over a while, is a feeling of disappointment and the acceptance of living a miserable life. They have accepted the fact they will constantly face situations in life where they will end up on the losing side. They have accepted that they don’t have any luck in life. Whenever they toss a coin, they feel inside that they will be losing. All this leads to a negative and limited mindset. However, life is never so cruel. There are moments in their life when they win. There are moments when the coin lands after the toss on their sides. And when these situations happen, the first reaction of these people is, this is too good to be true. They don’t deserve this good fortune. Things can’t go this good for them. We never know, or notice, how we introduced poison into our lives by accepting that we will live a miserable life, and with this habit, we start to label. We label the situations, people, and the life itself. I hope you have heard the term “flags”. Now whoever coined this term in terms of people or situations, must had a lot of poison in their life.
From millennials to GenZs, terming someone as a flag has become too common. I believe, that saying a lie, a zillion times, doesn’t make it a truth. Nowadays, based on someone’s actions and beliefs, people term them as a “red flag” or a “green flag”. Is life so binary? What about the situations or factors that caused the person to perform the specific action? How can taking care of the aging parents, be a green flag for some and a red flag for someone else? How can putting effort and setting the work as a priority be termed as selfish (red) and ambitious (green) for others? If we can’t consider the situations and factors, before labeling and flagging, what good does it bring? And, if we are labeling, who doesn’t have these flags? And how can a person even be a complete red or complete green?
I recently read a book, “Buddha in Love”. In the book there is a saying:
Life is VUCA,
V – Volatile
U – Uncertain
C – Complex
A – Ambiguous
Since the life itself is VUCA, how can we have binary flags? Life is not boolean, so why are the flags boolean? Nature itself has given us the gift, to view a wide visible spectrum and to differentiate between colours, then why restrict the flags as binary? We all have different beliefs and opinions, which are relative. They can be red, green yellow, amber, anything to anyone. If we combine all the colours based on our beliefs, we will have a shade. We all have some shades, so if we are picking a flag or label, then it’s better to choose a shade than a colour.
Other people see your reflection of how you see yourself. If you love yourself, others will love you. If you feel sorry for yourself, others will pity you. If you feel proud of yourself, others will be proud of you. Improve the reflection for yourself. Find the reasons to love yourself, and the world will love you, regardless of your flag/shade/colour/label.
Dear friend, the world, however, won’t stop to label or flag, so now what I am going to say, is just for you, for your happiness and care, for your better future, so always remember, “Sometimes, it is okay to unintentionally hurt someone to protect your inner self. Period.” Just be yourself, develop strong belief system, and ask questions to yourself to make your beliefs stronger. I hope you find all the answers. Don’t let anyone to make you follow their beliefs and opinions. Some people might step away from your life, let it happen! Don’t worry on losing people.
When we win, when we gain, when we get the respect, we feel happy. And when we lose, we get disheartened. The real essence of life is, that gaining something or losing something won’t make life any different. Each situation, regardless we win, gain, or lose, each person we meet or lose, everything is once an opportunity. Once you start looking at life’s situations as an opportunity, every hurdle as an opportunity, every deadlock as an opportunity, every gain as an opportunity, an opportunity to grow, the only path you will be following in life is, growth. And how can you see every situation as an opportunity, to learn and grow? Well, you know,
Live in the present, be in the present, be in the Vartamanah!
What’s coming next:
- Do you believe in fortune and destiny?
- Do you believe in karma?
- What matters, destiny or karma?
- How does God fit in?
Stay tuned! And if you have any suggestion, or question, and you want me to answer, please feel free to ask.
Take care, and stay hydrated!
– Navneet
VARTAMANAH 
What’s your thought about it?