Hi reader,

My father says a few Dohe (a specific form of poetry that consists of a pair of rhymed lines) to us, which always had a deeper meaning for life. They might sound so common, and subtle, but if someone relates it with life and situations, it will always bring a newer perspective, and we might make different decisions. One of them goes like this:

अति का भला न बोलना, अति की भली न चूप,
अति का भला न बरसना, अति की भली न धूप

– Kabirdas ji

In English, it translates as, “It is not good to speak too much, it is not good to be silent about too much, too much rain is no good, too much sunshine is no good!” Pretty common, right? But where do we find common sense so common?

I am approaching my 30 in the next year, and what is the most common thing to see for someone at this age? Marriages. The cousins, the friends, all are getting married from a year or two earlier, to the ones who will be getting married in a few months. Every other day, we talk to each other and get to know who got married. We open any social media and the first thing we see is a post sharing a lifetime moment. Some share the pictures where they are having a bachelor’s Party, to others share the moment they take the vows, and the next one, is on the move for the Honeymoon. Yes, this is an everyday story. 

However, there is a common thing, which I recently observed. If we see a wedding, a lifetime moment, it is obvious to have plenty of emotions arousing from different occasions, but what also clearly appears, a wedding nowadays is a hassle between customs (rituals) and (modern) trends. Rather than the priests, it is mostly the photographers and make-up artists defining the rituals of how they should happen. It is understandable to have varying customs, especially in a culture-full country like India, but doesn’t the modern trends in the name of capturing moments, play a role in complicating the generations-old customs? 

It may sound like I am totally against modern trends, however, that’s not the case. It is just the scale at which it happens. Our parents also got married, and did they have such trends to be followed? I believe, the actual photographer is someone who captures the moments as they happen, candidly, and captures the real emotions, rather than asking the same poses from all the couples that they cover. 

We can’t just blame the photographers and planners for playing with rituals, while we hire them to do it. But, why do we do it? Because this is what we see on social media! At the end of the day, both the bride and groom want happiness, and both of the families want happiness. No one wants to hurt the other on this special occasion with intention, but with all the extensive detailing of the events and the rituals, and adding to it the trends, it just complicates, irritating the bride-groom at first, and then the families. All the family members and the bride-groom themselves have thought about this moment. Everyone has dreams and aspirations, and if they vanish, it is natural to feel hurt. Not every trend is bad, but it should always be us, choosing what to do and what not to, so neither the people are hurt, nor the rituals are compromised, and who knows new trends start! I understand it is very easy to say, and very tough to act upon and make it happen, but why say no, even without trying?

Another thing at or approaching 30, that I most commonly hear about is Work-Life Balance. First and foremost, there is no such thing called, work-life balance. Do we ever say, Family-Life Balance? Or, Friends-Life Balance? Or, Trips/Parties-Life Balance? No, right? Then why the Work-Life Balance, or if we think work is not just another part of life, but a life itself altogether? Well, it is not about what we call it, but how we handle the work in our life. In one of the Agile Methodology workshops at one of my workplaces, I heard a gentleman explaining, that no matter whether the companies ask for 9 hours work-routine or 6 hours work culture. No human can do any productive work for more than 4-5 hours. It is just the human nature to be so. Yes, we can ask a person to stare at the screen for a day, but is it productive? The organizations I believe do understand that there is a difference between the quantity of work, and the Quality of work, however at some leadership levels, this understanding is missing, and just because they at some point in their career worked for 12 hours, wants the current workforce also the 12 hours working.

‘Tis not just the organisations that imbalance the work part of our lives, but we do as well. Many of us, have at some point in our lives, carried our work laptops to our vacations. Or simply, out of habit, have checked the work emails and messages. My dear friend, who might have got it that I am talking about him, was checking Slack while the plane was on the runway, ready to take off. Friend, the company won’t disappear, knowing you are on leave, if you don’t drop a message that you will be unavailable for the next 2 hours. 

All of such actions, knowingly or unknowingly are performed by us. We have built such habits of giving work the over-importance in life. And, it is understandable as well, that inflation is rising everywhere, the competition is getting tougher and tougher, each of us needs to be a step ahead to be able to serve our family. However, at what cost? Why are we more focused on working to show our tasks and output, and not the overall impact we create? Why are we sacrificing our family time and our friends’ time with work? And in the end, complain that no one is ever available to catch up when we are free?

Such imbalances, whether in the culture-trends or the work vs life, all are a part of our life in so many different spheres, that a single blog is not enough to reflect upon. However, there are a few more examples, which I wish to talk about:

• Herd Mentality
  Recently, in Delhi, a cafe started the artificial snowfall, visually appealing, where they used to do snowfall for 5 minutes, and then stop. To just capture it and create Reels and Shorts, the huge crowd from different parts of the city gathered, and what in the end it looked like was just a crowdy street.
  Similar incidents happened on the Highways routing the Hill Stations around the capital city. Huge traffic jams from one hill to another were observed, and people remained stuck for more than 6 hours at nowhere.
  These are nothing but just the examples of Herd Mentality. Do all of these people know, what they want? Where do they find happiness? Certainly not in crowds or traffic jams, I believe, then why do we do such acts? Just to follow the trend? Or to overcome the fear of falling behind?
  Me and my family along with our friends just had a house party, and we danced for 2 hours! No trends, but we all felt happy.
  
  
• Solitude and the Social Circle
  This topic is of much depth, that a brief discussion will not let me sleep for sure. But until then, I just want to say, that I also practice Solitude, and I also enjoy the social circle. I won’t say they are perfectly balanced, but I believe while doing so, we don’t get so focused on our inner self or self-happiness that we forget others, and how our loved ones might be concerned, stressed, or just want to talk to us. Maybe they need us, and just as we are unavailable, they can’t reach out to us. Giving ourselves a priority is good, but not at the cost of ignoring everything and everyone else. Sometimes, it is better to speak, and sometimes it is better to ask.
  
  
• Earnings and Expenditure
  Last, but not least, I have often heard people struggling or fighting between earnings and expenditures. I believe it is certainly an art of balancing these two, to have a life filled with experiences and wealth together. Some people have their credit cards maxed out, burdened under the liabilities of the banks. And some, in the name of saving everything for the worst day, are forgetting to enjoy the today. A wise man once said, “Everyone earns, but only some can spend!”

Yes, this is how life looks like, and this is what a genius said,

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

– Albert Einstein

If we just keep focussing on one thing, it is very realistic that the other will fall. Life is never about just one thing, and most of the time, if you have observed, some part of life automatically balances the other parts. However, what I believe is needed, is awareness. The awareness of what in life is shifting towards imbalance. The awareness of what needs to be balanced. The awareness of what in life doesn’t need to be over-balanced. And what could truly help to do so, is by being in the present, by being in the Vartamanah!

Thank you for your precious time, and for reading this post. I hope it gives you a reflection and helps you to balance the imbalance.

With this post, I sign out for this year, a wonderful 2023 it had been! Wish you all the best wishes, may you have an amazing time with your families in this holiday season, making all the beautiful memories. Love you all!

Cheers!
– Navneet