Hey reader,

Will it be wrong to say that, another name for life will be, problems? You be rich, you got problems, be poor and you got problems, you be the child and you got problems, so when you are young or old, you got problems. You get success and you got problems, you fail and you certainly got the problems. Maybe the only constant thing about life is problems. 

Being single is also one of them. You have to at times face the questions which are more of an enigma from your peers or friends or society or family too, why or how are you single? Are you really single? Single, why? etcetera, etcetera ,etcetera. Questions are one thing, and not the only thing. Everyone has a list of places or maybe cafes (for me) that one wishes to visit sometime with someone special, or maybe to some concert or movie or something. There always exists the longing to have that special person in your life, and maybe one can lie to the world but not to the mirror that no such thing doesn’t exist. 

Just as it is related to the same, another problem is the break-up and its aftermath. I have been talking to a few people lately who are having like 6-10 years old relationships, and fearing what if it doesn’t work out. Some are having family issues and some have career issues and what not, Also I’ve been in touch with a few who recently had a breakup, and are back to this singlehood mania.

It is tough, at times very tough, though not impossible. A few problems are more in our mind than they actually exist. Talk and time mostly fix a few of them. But, as I said problems will always be in life, and that doesn’t mean that one can just let it take the toll upon you. In each of them, there is only one person who can help you, including the singlehood, it’s just you. I have talked about many times in my blogs how important it is to have some hobby or passion in life, and I will be reiterating it here, as this is what has helped me in most of these situations. I can write these blogs if I don’t find someone to talk to. I can play the piano when I wish for some quality time. I understand it’s not a like-a-like replacement, but if it works, at least for some time, then what harm in it? I completely agree, it is not a complete solution to the problem, but this is something in my control. Loving someone and getting the same love back, or making someone love you is not in our hands.

A friend of mine, recently, asked me these questions, and I found them really interesting, especially for ones like me or maybe for people in the relationship. 

1. Who will you choose, one who is perfect for you, or one who finds you perfect?
2. Would you love a person the way they want to be loved or would you love them with what you have to offer?

Interesting right? And these questions are like something that different people would have different opinions about. This is what allured me to have a little survey among the very very small size of samples (only 8, 4 women and 4 men). Also, this is not something to say who’s right who’s not. The difference in opinions is something itself very beautiful, and when you will read about them, I hope that you will also be amazed by the answers the same way as I was.

But before I begin, I had a very interesting insight. This was how easy it was to get the answers from girls than boys. They read the question, understood and just responded. While with boys, it was tough. Honestly, few tried to skip or just turn them into emotional touches of sarcasm than to just simply answer. 

So, this first chart represents the responses from both men and women combined:
For the first question, of who will you choose, 75% people say that they will choose someone who finds them perfect, while the remaining 25% said that they will go with someone who is perfect for them.
For the second question, of the choice of way of loving the other, 37.5% people said that they would love a person the way they want to be loved, while 25% people said that they will love them with what they have to offer. The interesting fact here was, that 37.5% of people said that both of these actually matters and it is really tough to choose between the two. 

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Now, if I talk about women, who took part in this survey, and a few of them really answered so beautifully that I would love to share here as well. The results are below in the chart, and I guess you will understand them easily, so I will just come to amazing responses.

For the first question, of who will you choose, one of them said,

“The one who is perfect for me. Because any day I can work on myself and change. If somebody finds my perfect, but I don’t, I’ll never be able to mould or change that person. On the other hand, my adjustment is very much in my hand.“

While, another says,

“I think I will choose someone who will find me perfect. A little difficult to explain. But I guess in that way he will give me the best of everything he has. Just to keep me. Because for him, I am perfect. He will put in all his efforts just to keep me.“

For the second question, of how will you prefer to express love, this one explanation has clearly won it!

“Because each and every person is different, and the definition of love is different for everyone. So if we keep on trying to love someone in our own way, that won’t fulfil the other’s need for love, as that is my way of expressing love and not their way of being loved. So that will be in vain if we keep on loving the other one in our own way, as it won’t be satisfying their need. And I have learnt this from my own experience, where I find joy in small little efforts, while he likes extra-ordinary things. So we started doing things differently, and it worked for both of us.”

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Well, we have seen the responses from girls, but boys are also not lagging any behind in expressing their views, here is what they have to say for the question, who will you choose,

“I’ll choose who loves me more… Any given day. It’s easier to love someone deeply and reach their soul only when you are not in the upper hand. You have to be down to let the other person rise above”

For the second question, of how you would like to express love,

“Love remains constant with trust and understanding as long as those two pillars are strong…

For a unified approach, I’ll prefer to love someone based on what I have to offer… People come with certain expectations and that is always natural given the fact that the other person heart is with us… It’s better to surprise them with what we have to offer rather than just satisfy them at the earlier stages which in turn kills the romance in the longer run…innovation is the mother of change… and change in terms of growth and sustainability.

The basic human mentality is if they receive what they want easily, it loses its value far too soon…

To protect that, keep the first option to love them as they want for last…”

and few of them while talking about the need of both,

“Both are actually necessary. One could be selfish and another can be selfless. I would prefer the middle path”

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Different views from different people and each one of them are valid and equally respectable. So, I just want to thank all those 8 people who took part in this survey and responded so beautifully. As I promised to keep it anonymous, so I can’t mention the people, but really so many thanks for bringing to light these different views, and this just amazes anyone how varying can be the opinions from people to people. If you want to add anything on this or wish to tell me about your opinions, the stage belongs to you, and you can comment your opinion as anonymous as well. So, hoping to see you in the comments. :) 

Friend, life is a journey with so many highs and lows. It is unpredictable when it takes the unexpected turns in a good or maybe not so good way, don’t waste time upon the petty things and just be happy. If you are in a relationship, be happy, be happy of yourself. If you are single, be happy, happy with yourself, make time for things that makes you happy and feel comfortable and joyful. 

Take Care,
– Navneet