Hey reader,

If you have read the Blog 4, you would remember I talked about the dual minds. Before writing about this topic, I was in duality as well, whether it should be WE before ME or ME before WE. A few of you already knew about what I was about to write, but you see how experiences change all your beliefs with time.

Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.
Hugh Prather

We all experience certain things in different situations in our life where we have to be selfish and not selfless. These can be the times like taking a break from a hectic routine or moving on from a bad relationship/broken friendship and many more.

There is one very very important thing to understand, every person we meet in life is because of some motive. It either can be your motive for reaching out to some person or their motive to come across you, but motive will always be there. Don’t believe it? Just think of the person you have recently started interacting with. If you reached out to him/her, it could be because of some help you need in your any of personal or professional life from them. If they came to you, they must have asked for something by now or would be asking soon.

Another thing which is more important to understand that the previous one is, once their motive is completed, they won’t be much concerned about your relationship with them. With all the experience that I have been able to get from my life as well as my friends’ life, I can say this with 200 percent confidence.

Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless.
Edward Albert

Once we understand that every person has a motive for befriending or interacting with us, should we expect anything from them? Suppose I buy a chocolate for you or say I buy you a coffee, you will feel happy no doubt, and considering you as someone nearly generous as me, you would think of doing something for me in some more better way. So you take me out for lunch. Now think, what if my motive was just to go out for one lunch with you? My motive is completed, and it now depends on me whether I should be concerned about you anymore or not. Now watching all this, should you expect anything from ME? So that’s the question, expectations!

There’s one hard and bitter truth, Expectations always hurt. When you get a sense of knowing that the person’s motive is completed, you experience the changes in them. There can be the situations like people start giving lesser time, start taking you for granted, they start talking lesser and lesser, giving the excuses of other work in life which was always present earlier as well, or just start to fight. This is the most common thing we all have experienced at some point of life with someone. So, I know the expectation is a natural phenomenon, but try to train yourself that the only person you should keep expectations with is your own self.

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
Alexander Pope

Now, when you know about the motives and expectations, what can we do for having good, trustable, reliable relationship/friendship? A few things in this world comes with time and patience. These are satisfaction, trust, reliability and many more, which build slowly with time and experiences. You know that you have a motive for meeting someone, try out finding out their motive. If both coincide and can be matched, then there can be a possibility of sharing a good bond of friendship if nothing else. Though, it is better not to have expectations anyhow. Keep the faith but not the expectations.

The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen.
Ralph Marston